I'll be home for Christmas...

When I look back on past holidays, I always remember my favorite Christmas as the year my dad got me my own little tree for my bedroom. In reality, I now know that the bank Christmas tree was too tall and they had to cut off the top. This little "Charlie Brown tree" as my mom called it, was brought to my room where I decorated it with lights and ornaments and I thought it was the most incredibly beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I loved it so much, even though now looking back on it, it was probably a pitiful little dead piece of evergreen. It's something I've never forgotten.

I love Christmas. I always have. Ever since I was ten, I took over putting the lights outside our house. I was the 'Clark Griswold' of the family. This year I decorated my own house as best I could on an extremely tight budget. I had envisioned a beautiful gorgeous tree, but that was not possible with the balance in my checking account. So as I was at the grocery store on Sunday, I saw this little two foot fake tree. It reminded me of the tree I had as a little girl, and at $3.97 it was right in my budget. I took it home, decorated it with a string of lights, and now it makes me smile every time I walk into our living room.

The holidays are tough. It's hard to be so far from my family. It's also hard to think of my parents divorced during this time of year. I went to church on Sunday, the first week of Advent. I always think churches are so incredibly beautiful during this time of year and was excited to go and hear Christmas hymns. At the beginning of the service, a young family with a beautiful little blonde girl in a red velvet dress got up to read and light the first candle of Advent. I couldn't help but fight back tears thinking back to all the years my family stood at the front of the Presbyterian Church in Guthrie Center doing this exact same thing. I'm so happy to have those memories but it almost makes the reality of our family status even harder to face during this time of year.

I keep thinking this will get easier. It has gotten easier. But it will never be 'easy.'

Either way, I'm lucky to have two wonderful parents who both love me, whether they are together or apart. They are both incredibly supportive in my life, and I love them and appreciate them more now than I probably would ever have if we hadn't gone through this together.

So this week starts the Christmas parties. Saturday is an ugly sweater party at a friend's house. Next Friday is our company party out at Lake Las Vegas. Then next Saturday is another ugly sweater party. Then the 22nd I will be heading home for a week. Hopefully this trip/holiday goes better than Thanksgiving did.

Happy Holidays!