You spin me right round, baby, right round..

I want to start writing again. I have been writing short stories since I was a little kid - my first composition being about 50 pages long - of course a teen romance since that was all I had my nose stuck in at the time.

I just have all these stories spinning around in my head. Mostly, I try to play out how every possible scenario in my life could go, any possible outcome, so I'm prepared... And it ends up going to some really interesting places that I think people would have a generaly enjoyment from reading.

But how do you just get back into writing? I mean, I can write for myself.. But if I want an audience, someone - or anyone - to tell me if I'm any good.. How do you do that? I have no idea...

In other news... big change in the life. I'm looking to buy a condo. I guess I want to stick around this crazy city for a while. There are so many positives, and I really believe that I need to stick around, learn and grow as much in my current job that I can possibly rip out of the great leaders there.

That's the plan for this month. Stay tuned.

Today was a good day..

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.. Often, even.. I have been having a hard time trying to find my place the last few months and it has led me to question if I'm good at the path I've chosen, if this is where I'll find success. This week I was reminded just how far I've come and how lucky I am to have the opportunities I have and how much success I've already accomplished in my life.

It was a crazy busy week.. LIVESTRONG Day, Lance Armstrong, and Coaches vs. Cancer all took place on Tuesday/Wednesday...

I helped contribute to this and this was also a huge part of my week. And honestly.. both were an honor to be a part of.

The highlight: Coach Kruger came up to me before the golf tournament started and wanted to introduce me to legendary Missouri basketball coach Norm Stewart. Our office had helped him get tickets to a show the night before for him and his wife. Coach had no idea about my history with Mizzou, and of course I was like a giddy little school girl. It didn't hurt that Norm continued to call me by my first name the next two days. I mean, seriously... he is a legend. It was amazing.

As much as I need to grow in my career right now (just for my own sanity), I am not naive enough to ignore how lucky I am for these experiences. I'm thankful every day, and I think as long as I continue to keep that attitude, something positive will come through the door. It's all about finding the patience to wait it out.

Sometimes I feel like a grown up...

• When someone says I'm in charge of something in a meeting where several people are present.. i.e. the media during Lance Armstrong's visit tomorrow.
• When sipping on a dirty martini which I just discovered I love.
• When my dad starts to talk to me about business decisions.
• When I look at my credit card bill.
• When discussing car insurance with my friends.
• When my friends talk about having babies.... soon.

Sometimes I don't...

• When watching "One Tree Hill" on The CW.
• When hitting the snooze button 20 times in the morning.
• When battling homesickness.. seriously - six months is way too long to go between trips home.
• Whenever I'm out at the lake.
• When eating a popsicle.
• When someone runs their fingers through my hair.

Full 'maid of honor' mode...

I've officially asked off vacation for four days for Stephanie and Nate's wedding including the Bachelorette Party that will be taking place over Labor Day weekend. I am so excited for this event considering both Stephanie and Nathan are two of my favorite people in the whole world and my oldest friends.

I would love to post some of my ideas on here but considering I think she checks the site from time to time, I will have to keep my ideas closed until after the party.

I had big plans for Labor Day weekend - get home on Friday morning, hang out in GC and hit up the Tigers football game. Although OF COURSE every time I try to go home and see a game, they're playing away that night. Since when do they EVER play away over Labor Day weekend? I mean, it IS the county fair weekend!! Oh well.. It will leave some good time to hang out with my dad and see good ol' GC in it's prime form. Then Saturday we'll take off for Omaha for the festivities. Return to GC on Sunday where I hope to hitch a spin on the Snyder's new pontoon and then catch a Labor Day picnic on Monday with my mom's family and celebrate Grandma's 95th birthday.

Weekends like that excite me so much. I love going home when I have the chance to see lots of people (like Fair/summer holiday weekends when so many people will be back in Guthrie), and it will give me the chance to do so many important things in one trip.

I was worried today because I realized I won't be back in Iowa until June for Colby's wedding and since the event is so far away, it won't leave any time to check in with the family. I was worried about not seeing my grandparents until August but I think we're going to work something out to see them during that trip, even if it's just for a little bit. I had thoughts about coming back for a VERY fast trip for Mother's Day but my mom didn't think it would be worth the cost of the ticket to be back for such a short while. However, I might save up and surprise her. Money is tight right now but I'm still optimistic that a raise is coming -- someday :)

That's about all the excitement for now...

Just another Sunday...

Today was my first Easter away from my family. I know Easter isn't a huge holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas, but it has been a bit of a big deal the last few years for me. I moved to San Diego two years ago on the Monday after Easter. It was my last holiday to say goodbye to everyone -- then last year, I accepted my new job position and took a week off before starting to go home for the holiday and check in with the family. So there have always been some big happenings around this time of year, and yet here I am - a little lost.

I went back to church today which was a great experience. I hadn't been since around Christmas, and I'm not sure why I don't make an effort more. I usually get a lot out of the services and it just makes me start the week on a better feeling. Today was of course a packed house, and there was the cutest little boy sitting right behind me that would yell "Yay!!!" after the special brass horn section would finish accompanying the choir. It was adorable.

I then went over to my fabulous friends, Ashley & Matt's, townhouse for dinner. We just all remembered yesterday while watching the UNLV basketball game that Iowa State is playing UNLV out here this fall and tailgating plans have already been made. We got verrrrrrry excited and I am already ecstatic for fall to come around.

Another item to look forward to -- my big 25th birthday. The Fourth of July is on a Friday this year so the celebration could get crazy. Now if all of my friends would stop moving away, we could plan a craaaazy shindig! :)

I'm trying to find something to really look forward to every month to help time pass faster and take my mind off of work. Here's what I've got so far:
April -- vacation in Newport Beach with April and Amanda
May -- trying reallllllllllly hard to get back home for Mother's Day
June -- Colby's wedding
July -- my birthday!
August -- Stephanie's bachelorette party
September -- football season begins!
October -- Nate & Stephanie's wedding
November -- Thanksgiving
December -- Christmas

I think that's enough to get me through 2008. I can't believe I'm already planning this all out in March, but I just want to be prepared to get through the next few months in case they turn out to be more difficult than I'm hoping.

That's all for now. Here's to a new week!

Growing up is hard to do...

I've been holding in a lot of anger the past few weeks, stemming mostly from frustration. I've been dedicating so much of myself to my career that suddenly I realized that my social life is completely absent and I'm at the same job title and salary that I would have gotten straight out of college over two years ago.

Somehow.. this does not add up. I ask for feedback. Nothing but rave reviews. Which is good.. but still doesn't eliminate my frustration.

My father tells me I need to have more patience... something that has never been one of my strongest virtues.

I think more than anything it brings on self-doubt, paranoia, and hurt that maybe I've chosen the wrong path, maybe this is something that I'm just no good at. My boss assured me otherwise, but those feelings just don't disappear.

In a way, it makes me terrified. I mean, I love my job. I literally love getting up and going to work every day. I'm so incredibly passionate about my clients - sometimes it even amazes me. But if this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing, why am I spending so much time here, dedicating every ounce of energy I have into this? Why am I spending time away from my family?

I will wait this out. It can't always be fast and it can't always be fair. I will try my best to swallow my pride and see what happens. But it hurts and it's hard. I just hope in the end it's worth it. I really want it to be.

Update...

My mom is cleaning my bathroom right now as I type. Go figure :-)